I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
