Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize