What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
