Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
