So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
