is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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