I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you will always have a special place in my vag
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
