I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
