I haven't been this sober since birth.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
