Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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