So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
