WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
