girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
