well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
