Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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