i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My balls are so social today.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
