i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize