he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
