The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
