do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
