Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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