i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
