she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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