After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
