he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
