new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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