3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
