just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
