Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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