weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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