Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
