Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
