YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
