I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i permit you to call me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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