White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
