All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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