Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
