just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
