Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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