So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
