i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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