I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How does it feel to date your dad?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
