don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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