Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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