i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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