I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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