you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
