You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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