Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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