I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
