Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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