it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
