If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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