she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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