"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
