I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
