You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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