Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
