I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
