i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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