My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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