So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
