making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
