i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
