I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
