He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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