thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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