I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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