What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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