i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
