your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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