i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
