biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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