in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
