life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
