Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
