Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
